The Absentee’s Alphabet
A is the Auntie who will come to tea; B is the Bed that won’t release me. C is the Car—we do need fresh air; D is the Dinner just Mom can prepare. E for Extremes—too high or too low; F for my Feelings—when they’re right, I go. G is the Garden much nearer God’s heart; H is my Husband, who won’t play his part.
I for Intruders who sit in my pew; J is for Jokes which tires me so much; L the old Language, it’s so out of touch; M is for Money, they always want more; N for New tunes I’ve not heard before. O is for Overtime, double on Sunday; P the Preparing I must do for Monday, Q the Queer noises that come from the choir; R is the Reverence they never inspire.
S is for Sermons, as dull as can be; T for the Television we really must see. U for Unfriendly, no welcome I find. V for the Voice of that woman behind. W is the Weather, too cold or too hot. X for Excuses, I’ve got such a lot. Y for the Yells from the kids left behind. Z is for Zeal, which is what I can’t find! — Anonymous